One Man's Voice

Yesterday morning on the way to school I had an opportunity to talk to Joshua regarding why it’s important to know how to ask the right questions.  Here is how the conversation went.

Question #1: “Josh, when you ask, ‘do you have your iTouch?’ What are you really asking?”

Response #1: “If I could play with it.”

Question #2: “And when you ask, ‘Are you tired?’ What are you really wanting to know?”

Response #2: “Can you come out and play with me?“

Question #3: “Ok, now the last one – when you ask, ‘do you have any money?’ What are you really asking?”

Response #3: “Can you buy me something?”

This time, the light bulb is turning on and he sheepishly smiles. You see had he asked the right questions, I would immediately know what it was he really cared about. Regarding the iTouch, what he really wants me to know is that he is bored and is looking for something to address that need. When he inquiries about whether I am tired or not – what he doesn’t know is that many times I have played with him, even though I was tired, because I knew it was important to him.  However, to be fair, knowing Joshua as I do, it would be just like him to think about how I was feeling even though he is dying to “school” me in basketball. Or perhaps a different question – “Dad, I really wish I could have that” might yield – how about next week when I get paid, or maybe I have the money and it’s not something I would choose to spend it on.

Why then do we not say what we mean or ask for what we want? Perhaps it’s our need for self-preservation and protection. We don’t want to be rejected so we take as our starting point, the last response we thought we got to our inquiry.

Our assumptions about the person may be entirely wrong. Where this is especially important, is when it starts creeping into the questions we ask of ourselves, and the questions we ask of God. Our questions provide insight into the assumptions we make. As a goal, we should grow in being authentic and honest with ourselves and especially towards God. It’s the foundation for an honest seeking of His grace and truth in our lives.

Indeed – questions are important. Thinking about our questions can be a stepping- stone into growing in integrity within, and enjoying authenticity with God.  In a future blog, we will look at how Jesus used questions to get to the heart of the matter. 

Over the years, I have collected so many T-Shirts personally designed by my boys. I usually don’t wear them except in the confines of the house but I guess to show my appreciation, I decided to wear the last one made as I relaxed on my day off. This shirt was done probably a year ago – it simply says: “This Daddy is an All-Star.” One of the more “sophisticated” ones, as it was a press-on.

At dinner tonight, the conversation shifted to coolness. Jonathan had previously told me: “Daddy, I love you, even though you’re not cool” but I guess I just thought he heard that from some devilish television show and didn’t really understand what it meant. Well, he decided to relieve me of my self-deception. He said – daddy, you are just not cool. Look at your shirt! Connie busted out laughing instead of coming to my defense.

Well I got something to say. Its true, I should not be wearing these hand-made shirts outside the house. But the fact that my generation and this generation both understand the word “cool,” means we have one thing in common. We both use a word that still has value and relevance. The word “cool” has outlasted all the new slang words.

“Hip, groovy, crazy, nervous, far-out, rad, and tubular have for the most part not had the staying power or continued universal appeal of cool.” Dictionary.com.

The jury is still out on how long newer expressions of approval such as def and phat will survive. Ed Young said, “we used to be cool, until our kids made us un-cool.” We never really lost anything (or at least that’s what I took away from his statement.) So, in some sense we will always be cool in our own eyes. I just need to focus on what will forever remain cool. I’ve compiled a short list:

· Having dinner together as a family and enjoying our best laughs there.

· Knowing my seven year old could poke fun at his dad and know its “all-good”

· Praying together as a family at night and appreciating how good God is to us.

· Enjoying the fact that they are enjoying all the cartoons we did in our time – except they are now full-length, high-tech movies like Batman, Hulk, Iron Man, etc.

· Hearing “I love you” from my way-cool middle-schooler, Josh, as I drop him off to school each day.

· Appreciating that they still want to introduce us to their friends.

I may not dress cool, dance cool, or talk cool anymore, but I can still help with homework, work hard and provide for their cool choices, and treat their mom right as somehow she never seems to lose her cool points.